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Silver Member |
Well, good people, I have just realized age is fast catching up with me and I honestly need a companion in life. I thought this good site might be one of the avenues I can use to get myself a mate. For starters, I talked to a friend of mine who reduced my requirements in form of a checklist. Those interested need to carefully gauge themselves against this checklist before making a formal application.
1. Smoking of any kind, is not allowed in my presence. Please note that cheapness is not a precursor to ******ity. 2. Must not have an overrated body type. Whereas I won't have time to fend off unwanted gestures from other male species while taking a stroll in the mall, I equally do not have time to walk infront of you just to avoid such exclamation marks as, “damn, where did you get this one from" 3. Should not be a subscriber of the theory of growing old where narrow waists and broad minds trade places. There is no reason why old age can't be desired and equally no reason why abdominal enlargements should occur at old age 4.Size is of absolute importance. Proportionality has to be there. With a size ten boobs, please be sure that every other part of your body is proportionate to that 5. Enlarged abdomens are a no go. I own a small car and my budget for the next couple of years doesn't accommodate a new car 6.No need to be a cooking expert, for such is stuff that I can get to do my self. If you are not big with breakfast, please be advised that mine is at 6:00 am and no need for you to get out of bed if you are not eating half the proportion I have that day 7. Lunch is a luxury, but you have a choice to do it, otherwise I can survive with one meal a day 8.Eating after hours is not permissible, so whether I or you are present, dinner will be served before 8pm in any time zone 9.Relatives, yours or mine are good buddies but not good housemates. The statue of limitation to relative house guests is 20,160 minutes 10. School is absolutely necessary, so if you can't translate the 20,160 minutes into 24 hour days in like 1 minute, you need not apply, for education is an expensive tool not to have, besides time in itself is too expensive, so no need expensing ourselves by long explanations of how the national budget works and what debits and credits are on your check book. You don't have to be a doctor of any sort but you must be able to identify an identity sign from an equal to sign. 11. Any engagement in fulfilling God's promise of going out and filling the earth in the past is not allowed. So if by any chance you have been faithful in that command in the past, please don't bother 12. Age, not a big deal 13. Prior experience not necessary and not interested to know of your previous partners. Try to avoid these in as many ways as you can when conversing with me. Try to avoid statements like, when I was with my former? Well, definitely it didn't work out and I know this because you are taking your time to read this What do I have to offer, well everything that you don't have. "Unless a boy dies young, he surely shall partake of the bearded meat" - Chinua Achebe |
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Gold Member |
All the best Alley Cat, you got yourself such a tough bargain.
 items number 3 and 5 Perhaps you oght to also try joining kuona munduz ministry, we have had powerful testimonies from members who were known to be single for a very long time, no sooner did they join the ministry than they were blessed abundantly.  "It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" |
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Silver Member |
I checked this lovely list and i was getting excited with myself, lost of desireable qualities. untill i read what you have to offer and i was like gee..... you have everything i dont have and everything i dont have is everything i dont like or not really nice..... ohhhhh... not for me!! great idea... join the ministry today!!  |
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"Better die on your feet,than live on your knees!" Silver Member  |
Great |
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"Ithe wa Muthoni na Jayson" Platinum Member |
Paka,
How far have you gone with this? Did you finally get munduz ama we enlist you with Wathibora. Please give us the latest. At least I know a couple of weeks ago you were still in "Bila munduz ministries" "mûthuri aikarîire njûng'wa onaga kuraya kûrî kîhîî kîhaicîte mûtî" |
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Silver Member |
I have read your conditions, but you also have to meet mine too...
1) You have to be proportional size of biceps propotional to calves... 2) personal hygine is not optional shower atleast once a day and use deodorant.. 3) you may not scratch, adjust or fondle any part of your body that is below the belt buckle and above the knees in public or when i'm around...that is what the bathroom is for.. 4) you may not pee, spit or use profanity in public...actually the use of profanity is banned forever. 5) When hanging with your boys, i do not want to be included..ever..have your fun..do not bring it home..do not feel obliged to tell me a play by play of what you all were doing while getting drunk..i have my own friends...i will not sucker you into doing stuff i do with my friends. 6)one last thing..when i get home from work, give me atleast 30 minutes to unwind..meaning unless it is an emergency do not ask, or talk to me while take a leisurely bath...have my hot cup of Coffee/Tea..now you can ask me how my day was or antything else you want...not before. Ti kwiyaba no... |
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"Ithe wa Njeri" Platinum Member  |
what should he do when he feels itchy while strolling in the streets? some things just cant be avoided!!! CONFIDENCE is trying to fart when you are suffering fron diarrhoea ... Robert Mugabe |
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Silver Member |
That is a myth not a fact....they actually can be avoided   "Silence is more eloquent than words!" |
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Silver Member |
Ngunjiri,
I am afraid all the contestants did not make it.Reasons shall be given later. A detailed response to "kari uria" will follow shortly. As regards "Wathibora ministry", i shall not consider it as i do not profess christian faith.But members of the said ministry are welcome. "Unless a boy dies young, he surely shall partake of the bearded meat" - Chinua Achebe |
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"Ithe wa Njeri" Platinum Member |
Wa thiga please tell me how i can 'be tempted not to' scratch when i feel an itch while walking around in town. the other day i was walking along Kenyatta Avenue in the ompany of 1st lady and there's this somali guy who came out of the building and while walking towards us, he lifted one leg(the way dogs do it) and seemed 'to position back' something with his little finger from between his legs while still walking. the 1st lady was so annoyed while i was literally on my knees laughing CONFIDENCE is trying to fart when you are suffering fron diarrhoea ... Robert Mugabe |
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Silver Member |
Kari Wa Uria,
Having considered your demands (conditions), i am glad to respond as follows:
I thought this should be obvious. It is your duty to be home earlier than me! Actually 3 hours earlier.This will not only give you your 30 minutes to cool off but a whole 2.5 hours to do other things.Okay?"Unless a boy dies young, he surely shall partake of the bearded meat" - Chinua Achebe |
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Silver Member |
avoided ?? nake no muhaka atugute nyeki kianda kiu giothe, na aingate tu-turu na huko ciothe iria ituire kuu |
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Silver Member |
hah hah hah .. muti ndurekagiririo ukure uguo fogothari .. niuringawo rimwe nigetha nigetha ukauma ikingi njega.. Atumia nimakenaga makiirwo na ikingi nungaru .. kana atia atumia a kyuk.com |
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"Ithe wa Njeri" Platinum Member |
mbaff!!!. ni ka pillow kega ka mama. he he he he he wewe umeguluka na mkugulukia akapotea CONFIDENCE is trying to fart when you are suffering fron diarrhoea ... Robert Mugabe |
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"Ithe wa Muthoni na Jayson" Platinum Member |
uui na kii na urandikite handu hangi uria kwaku kuna ng'alagu nene mno? "mûthuri aikarîire njûng'wa onaga kuraya kûrî kîhîî kîhaicîte mûtî" |
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