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This message has been edited. Last edited by: Muigai wa Kibiru,

Muigai

From what i have read the traits you do not like in your wife are not acquired in the short time that you have been married. She had the same character when you married her. Then pray whey did you marry her in the first place? could it be that your values and perceptions have changed.

That not withstanding if you want to leave her to marry 'rural type' that is not a reason enough.
For the sake of your son i hope you did not marry under those 'funny' laws that prohibit polygamy otherwise why bother with divorce just marry a second wife of your liking because that is what you want. Muigai you are just plain selfish, remember grass is always greener on the other side.

Brother ndugate inya ukinyirite inyanya mundu ainagia mutingoe wake onakoruo ni gatiru. Ningi kai utonaga ukimuhikia kari hindi urokirire urona ni born city na ndoi kuruga?

Sir, I hear you, but before we start on anything, leaving your wife is not a solution.

Marriage is defined as a union between two different pple. the question is, how could God meke us marry pple that we got nothing in common?

The answer is..thats how it should be. Once in a while, we have all though like..man..we are too different..especially this thoughts start as soon as you say I do.

I am one sociable person..my hubby is not..he likes on his own, not very expressive..and this was a big challenge during our first year of marriage, he too had to confess recently how differently he felt about me, that was jan 8 2009, on our 4 years wedding anniversary. We have however learnt to get the best of our differences, we are shocked that we complement each other so perfectly and enjoy each others company better than other pple.

About everything else you need in your wife, be it and she will follow suit..Jesus categorically sait in mathew 7 that he hates divorce but because of the hard heartedness of the pple, moses ordered the issuin of divorce certificate. Anything Jesus doesnt like, satan likes it very much and anything Jesus likes..satan hates with a passion.

You will never find a perfect partner..

I think it got worse when you went back to Kenya..remember..what is between you and your wife doesnt please many ladies and can do anythin to get between and you will end up regretting coz the other woman will not have what your wife has now...

Sit back and think of all the positive things this woman has...and reject every negative.

Having been brought up in town is nothing of her making and she cant change that but you can strike a compromise..your son is born abroad, he too will be judged of too much westernisation..

My kids are real thai kids, they speak the language.behave like thais and we really are concerned but our efforts to bring them back to kenya by teaching them our mother tongue and stuff like that is so fruitless.

Put your self in your wife's shoes, consider all the things you do not have and other men has which your wife could go out for..but she simply will not because of the vows between you two.

Lastly, do not ever forget that marriage is until death do us part..you put yourself in, you got to stay there till death!! make the best out of it.

I am praying for you. God will grant your marriage a new beginning.

In christ Jesus.

Mso

Muigai Wa Kibiru, kwanja eke ngunyite ugeni guku gwitu nyumba ya Mumbi. Igwa wii mucii biu, oya njung'wa iyo na usiti downi! Kundaga gacuru gaka ngurugite. Koo wangorete hau kabere riria ndari Wakanyugi wa biu rii,ni ngia kuhe mucuba umwe muhehu ukundage ...ngoro ihorere hanini, nuu umuthi ukunyua uculu!!(Ndiratua mata na kamwena riu gachohi ni nyambite ngutiga).Ndigukuria kuria uma mwatukiria kii, nii ndaigua wina uhoro gitau.

Riu ni ndathoma uboro uyu, the below are my observations and frank opinion. Lemme start with questions first.

1) When you met your wife, what are the qualities that attracted you to her?
2) You say she's a born tao, ofcourse when you met her u must have realised her poor command of our native language, what did you think of it then?
3) Before you got involved in your marriage had you received some sort of counselling from either a married friend, pastor, older relative etc?
4)If offered some solutions are you prepared to resolve issues with your wife or you have already made up your mind you want to leave your marriage?

Okay, my opinion now.First and foremost you must realise a marriage is a union of two incompatible people joined together and making it work! Others would also liken it to a bed of roses.Yes, what you've just heard. There's a season where the roses smell good, smell fresh, they look very lovely too. This is the honeymoon stage of your marriage/relationship. Where you don't seem to see any fault in your patner...everything just seems right and heavenly. Then comes the season were the roses start to wither, the colour ofcourse doesn't look as great suddenly you realise ala...the stems have some thorns too and yes they prick quite hard! Now from what I see, ur going through this stage. From ur read I have not seen anything positive about your wife. All you seem to see about her are her weaknesses. Has it occured to you that she has also noticed the same about you?

The ruth of matter is that you must first sit down and deal with things as they are, running away from them doesn't solve anything. Sit her down when the both of you are most relaxed.Before you do this make sure your thoughts are very well thought out and try your best to be as polite as possible, this shows respect. How you deliver your messages will determine the whole outcome. Don't start accusing her, e.g "U never even cook for me like so and so" etc...that's such a conversation killer.Tell her what's bothering you and your future plans. Tell her how her poor culinary skills bother you, how your non- existant sex life is killing your marriage etc..however have at least some sort of solution. By the way all these problems you have are the most common issues in marriage am suprised you havent mentioned finances.

Haya...lemme offer some sort of solutions. For your wife's poor culinary skills you could for example encourage her to enroll in cooking school, or get some recipes from a book, or the internet. Then she can try them out with alot of encouragement from you. Have you ever tried learning something with a helpful person or visa vi? They can either motivate you or demotivate you all together. So also evaluate yourself on how you react to her cooking,it wll either encourgae her or make her dread cooking for you! So it's up to you, kazi kwako.

About your sex life; well your loss of interest in her physically is because of the emotional/phsycological issues bothering you. When that area is not right...even for us ladies the brain switches off sexually. So you'll first have to solve those issues before you sexual attraction can regain it's momentum. Do the small little things you used to do for each other, call each other your pet names,and remember to always set time aside for just the two of you to get away from routine. And after that is resolved the issue of variety in the bedroom now sets in, change the way you do things a bit.There's lots of material and even videos(note: am not saying pornographic...there good videos on how to improve your sex life e.g Kamasutra) and for you to do this you must feel free with your patner..hence the reason why issues must be resolved FIRST. Try even visiting a sex therapist...(ur in America )they'll probably give you alot of advise well suited for and your patner.

Now about your patner's spiritual life. You say you desire an absolutely religious wife. My opinoin is that too muh of something is absolutely poisoinous. I bet you don't want a fanatic saved wife..where some stringent rules are imposed on you, trust me my next door neighbour has one and he goes nuts literally...(akoraga mahoya gwake akamaruturura njaa na mbaara). Am sure what you want is somebody who can strike a balance. By Somebody who's balanced I mean one who when you go to gicagi she can comfortably pray for the tea and food and when your in your social circles she can mix comfortably with your friends in whatever venue. Am I right? Yes beleive it or not you can incalculate in her the love to go to church and the importance of prayer. When you associate with someone for a long time especially a spouse...u find yourselves picking each other's good and bad habits. Kweli rongo? Make going to church sound interesting, something you really value and enjoy..if she sees you much you enjoy it...she'll pick some sort of interest. Ofcourse don't expect immdediate results because at the end of the day it's her relationship with her maker. So you'll need Abraham's patience.

My final conclusion and advise is that, leaving your marriage now before trying all avenues to solve the situation will be a tempoary solution for a long term problem. In marriage your patner is your creation, n one is perfect so am sure you also have your own faults. You must try and mould your patner into what want in a wife. Marriage is hardwork my friend..nothing comes in a silver platter...so you have to work on it. Your issues are quite solvable if you want to solve them..I don't think they're in the category of non-reconciliatory. You'll hop into the next marriage with expectations that you have got what you want now...only after sometime you realise that again your out there looking for the perfect patner....end result u'lll never be satisfied.

Last but not least,you say you're a religious person,so am sure you beleive in prayer.Get down on your knees and get to work, pray for God's intervention in your marriage, ask Him to intervene for you because you're made of the flesh and we know it's very weak, it always wants the easier option.....

Finally I wish you the best and hope you seriously weigh your options before u make any descions. Ngai arokunikanira.

nikiongeza, my friend you are so young..hujaona..more challenges are coming in your life..this ought to make you a better person..dont look back, forge foward and you will not regret. Facing a challenge is better than going back...

If the children of Israelite thought of going back to Egypt when they came to the red sea..they probably would have died instantly but by facing the red sea and crossing it with the hand of God..they made it to the promised land.

Wa P ni ndirakouna hau iguru...geithika na Valentine.

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This message has been edited. Last edited by: Muigai wa Kibiru,

WaKibiru,Geithika nanindona njungw'a na ucuru urikuneo ni Wakanyugi.Wakanyugi,hehehehehehehe.Niwatuma theke.You tell it like it is with a sense of humor in it.Muigai,nii ndingiongerera mataro tondu they said it for me.By the way,have you watched the movie---
Why Did I Get Married by Tyler Perry?You should.Both you and your wifie should watch it .

After that,I suggest you both do what the movie says.Take a piece of paper and write all the bad things that each one of you have ever done on one side and the all the good things on the other side.

Like Mathenge said,the grass is always greener on the other side na wahota kurwo ni inya ukinyirite inyanya.
Like the ladies say,tell her what you like about her and what you do not like.Let her do the same thing with you.
God bless you and yours.Ps.You have to warn her though before you say what you do not like cause it could get ugly.LOOOOL.

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Originally posted by Muigai wa Kibiru:
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Wa kibiru,
Kai ugicitembaniirie ciothe, ciamucie ti como ririkana.