He ng'ano ndumagirwo o kahinda uria ciana igulukitio ni kegi murimo..
here are some of them .. enjoy

PS:I am not the author.. all stories are quoted from email

Case 1: I am not sure about this one but I heard ati a guy in Atlanta was shikwad by cops, and he had wekad a 1 litre behind his back seat, then hooked up a straw from the booze all the way to his mouth.

Case 2: Back to champaign, Il. Jamaas have chucked from a heng and are stepping diggs. On the way fire brigade comes up , guys follow it sitting out of the windows from all sides and abusing pedestrians and drivers in swahili and screaming, wooooooooiiii woooooooooiiiiii. Penalty ... …$700 ticket each, DUI for the driver, and free room and lodging at Rwathia Day and Night lodging (county jail) for one jamaa who got smart with the cops

This message has been edited. Last edited by: jm,

Case 3: A guy somewhere in the east coast asked cops for a ride to a heng coz he was being nyeshewad. Upon being let into the car, he confidently removed a booze from his pocket and proceeded to open it. Penalty …luckily, he was only thrown back in the rain and not booked into rwathia day and night lodging

Case 4: Jamaas somewhere ( name withheld coz case still open with five-0) tried to brew chang'aa and gave white college boys. Peeps were rushed to hospital with alcohol poisoning, blood poisoning, diarrhoea, etc. Penalty,,,,, all the jamaas fled town and havent been seen since

Case 5: This one just kills me

QUOTE" In champaign, IL I used to work at a major hospital called Carle . My job was to deliver trays and patients’ meals for like the whole hospital. Yeah, I was the jamaa you’d meet in the hallways in a hospital pushing big carts of feed. One day, I made a mistake big time. I signed up for working on Sato morning, which meant I had to be there by 7am to deliver the breakfast trays. So on Friday, nigga has fikad the rave vibaya sana, after bash, yanni my boys dropped me at the hospital straight from the bash. I was drunk as hell. So I went, and started delivering carts, as per kawa. Haki ya mungu Im telling you carts went to wrong floors. Diabetics got food with sugar, jamaas of high blood pressure got fatty foods, infants and young kidds got salad fries, one 3yr old kid received an order with a glass of wine on the side, luckily the nurse never delivered it. It was a disaster kabisa, doctors and nurses were on my ass. Everything happened so fast that next thing I knew, I was being bailed out of Rwathia Day and Night lodge by my boys reduced to a. Penalty.. negligent behavior misdemeanor…..$500, under age consumption ( 2nd one in 1 week), plus three hrs community service, plus a meeting with an AA counselor. " UNQUOTE

Case 6:

QUOTE"
i remember one incideant during my alchoholic days back in the days....me and my jamaas were determined to drink as in TEMBO kenyan style. We were 6 guys...each had to keep track of every single tembo, and the first guy to fika 100 heinekens would receive $100 from each one of us. We were so into it that we had score cards checked after every tembo. We started on friday at club safari, drank mpaka che went to my buddies cribb, and continued in the melee. Now guys were blacking out pole pole...the music is loud like crazy, the neighbours have been complaining all day..sometime in the afti, all jamaas have blacked out amidst the deafening music. The neighbour rudis to complain and nobody answers the door so he calls the cops. The cops kuja, knock on the door like crazy and nobody answers. They break in to find guys all over the place knocked the fak out. Si now they assume guys have over-dosed on drugs mbele nobody is responding...they ita ambulances,fire tracks, back-up, kila kitu as in the works...guys are mwagiliwad maji and like 3 of us awake with blood shot eyes...jamaas are just TEMBOD no madawas....you all know how the questioning went.. my buddy is like 'offisha i am just drinking, what ish the problem...the mushic ?...he yells to me 'we horia kinanda'!!'it was too hilarious, the cops could not understand anything we said. needless to say an eviction notice awaited my buddy on monday, so we gave him the $500 as the winner!!!!!ofcourse nobody fikad 100 tembo's but my boy Kariuki (aka mucuba) hammered 53 !!!!!! "UNQUOTE

Case 7: -- ino niyo nyina ya story ciothe

QUOTE"

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I was at the cafeteria area at school and there was a guy standing ahead of me who just looked too familiar but I couldn't point to any corner of my brain to remember him. I was sure he was Kenyan and that we had drowned some alcohol together in kenya at some time in my recent history. I decided to watch for the basic signs of a Kenyan. It took sometime before I saw the first sign. We had been on the line for long and of course everyone was irritated but quiet until the jamaa clicked, those ones of "nthck" or whatever. I now narrowed down my conclusion to African, from stranger...only Africans click. While he was making his order of fries, I heard him ask for tomato sauce, that was the cue. Without further ado, i walked up to him and said, sasa!!
The response was affirmative and soon a healthy conversation ensued. My previous assumption was not right but close. I had indeed met the fellow before. He is the same villain from patch who had broken my ankle during Blackrock Rudge tournement in 96 at saints. Grudges aside, I was glad to meet a Kenyan..at least one person I can catch up with after 3 months of being a monument/public display/New African boy in town/Black boy/Nigger( as some white boys driving a truck onced cursed out at me). I went to my jamaas crib and found 3 more pals lounging sipping on some drink called ice-house. I grabbed one, went through the grilling process of answering various questions... u jua the regular stuff eg how long u been here, etc, and after 10 mins, we all knew someone who knew someone else, who knew who and who, in other words..we assumed we had met at home - as all Kenyans do-. We teremshad those pints from 2 till around 8 pm when I decided to call the peeps I was living with to danganya them that I was going camping with my air-force wing ( I was a cadet in the USAF). These jamaas decided to take me to the local hang out joint which turned out to be a strip club. I won't describe what I saw but towards close time, we were leaving when we passed a table with a small jamaa wearing a suit with rubber shoes ( a very familiar sight to a Kenyan) with approx 6 strippers around him. I was sharp to recognize a rich Kaleo accent, but neither of my jamaas heard it. I turned around and asked the guy if he was Kenyan..the jamaa went ballistic jumping on all of us full of hugs, etc. He said he'd been living in a nearby town for 3 yrs and had never met a Kenyan. I guess there was now 2 new peeps in the crowd. He told us that the only place he knew in Champaign was that strip club. He seemed like a spender coz he had strippers all over him, he later told us he was a professional runner, and that as a matter of fact he had just won some race somewhere and had 25,000 dollars in his pocket. He said he never trusted banks and carried all his cash around because money always got him women. My pal from school and I decided to ride with him following the other car we came with. We were headed back to the crib.
As we got on to the highway, my pal and I were quick to notice that our new pal whom I choose to call kem was driving erratically. In the first place, he had no drivers license, no insurance, and had no license plates. Upon inquiry, he told us that he just bought the car 4 hours earlier---cash-, and that he'd never driven a car before, never even riden a bicycle before. That's when the knees started shaking. He also mentioned that he came from Nandi straight to the US for a race, then vanished from camp. To make things worse, he had come across BET which would be some serious issues as concerns someone who hadn't seen alot of the headstarts others had. He had extended his seat all the way backwards and was seriously cripple driving aka leaning. Even worse, the car was a stick shift so think of this, you've never driven a car, or riden a bike, then you make $$ one day, buy a stick shift and the first place you drive to is a strip club. Apparently, the car dealership was across from the club. ( in the past, a roomate who had now moved out used to drive him there).The car was going off every 3 seconds, and he wouldn't let any of us drive. The lead car had now vanished, my jamaa from school was blazed and didn't care about what was happenning, as a matter of fact, he couldn't remember where he lived. Our Nandi friend Kem wouldn't let me drive at all, he told me, " My friend chust led me trife this mashine, you haf triven many ears, let me learn". I cursed the minute I decided to gas this Kenyan jamaa, everything was now very screwed up, my life was hanging in my hands.
My pal from school, who was the co-pilot had his full attention on the car radio. It had been 20 mins, we had only gone a few feet. I forcedly gave him a few tips on how to balance the clutch and accelerator which he picked up on and kanyagad that thing. Only problem was that he refused to change the gear from 2 to 3 because he said he never wanted the car to go off. I had really freaked out. I struggled to recall my memory to my pal's crib and told Kem to turn into a certain street. The car was on gear 2 and going 40 miles an hour so you don't wanna imagine the noise involved. I was giving the clutch 30 more seconds before burning out when the car suddenly stalled by an alley . He got out of the car, walked into the alley to piss and soon came out running. I soon found out why. There was a parked cops car there and they'd spotted him and put on the full christmas light and were driving behind him. The fool, jumped into the car, tried to start it, but panic disabled him from being able to balance the clutch. The cops parked facing us, all the spotlights trained in our direction, that's when the real drama began...mind you, he had never been pulled over by a cop. This was a night I would never forget.....................

Officer: Sir I'm not as ****** as you think I am, I saw you switch places with this other guy here

Kem: Officer, I have peen sleeping for the last dwendy minids

My Jamaa from school: ( foolishly bursts out laughing )

Officer: ( very annoyed at this point adresses my jamaa) Ok Sir, since you want to be the cover sheet for your friend there, i will have no choice but to arrest the two of you..a..

My Jamaa: What have I done?? you want to arrest me for sitting in my car??

Officer: You look intoxicated...your eyes are red and hazy ( the officer then turns to Kem) and you sir, what were you looking for in the alley? this is a notorious spot for drug trafficking. Were you by any chance trying to buy drugs??

Kem: No sir, I am not rich enough to buy trucks but I bought my car today

( At this point I'm thinking to myself...ohh **** oh ****!!!. Two back up squads have been brought and I could tell one was a K9 unit because I could hear the dog barking)

Officer: I'll be right back. ( the cop goes to fetch the k9)

Kem ( turns to my jamaa and I ) Haki huyu polisi ni mjinga aje, anasema ati hapa kuna truck traffick, hebu angalia hiyo njia uniambie ata kama matatu inaweza toshea!! na anasema ati trucks hupita hapo. Na hata zikipita hapo, what is de broplem with me being there? fery sdupit.

My jamaa, who has been quiet all along starts talking incohorrently to himself about how he's getting annoyed etc. At this point I realise I'm dealing with not only one but two psychos.
(The cop comes back to the car)

Officer: Sir, can I see your driver's license??

My jamaa: Let me see yours first

Officer: Sir I'm in no joking mood, I've been patient enough with you guys, you are being uncooperative, I can't understand a word the other guy is saying. I will ask you one more time...can I see your drivers license and registration? the car also doesn't seem to have license plates. Who's car.....

My Jamaa: WILL YOU **** OFF!!!!!!!!!

... The officer instantly yanks the door open, pulls my jamaa out , whips out handcuffs and twists his arms round. My jamaa turns the other way, punches the cop in the face, then delivers a sweep, then starts trying to handcuff the cop saying, " ehh how does it feel to be handcuffed ehh??. All doors fly open from the other squad cars, dogs are released everywhere, guns are out, soo much noise etc. Kem panics when he sees the dogs, tries to exit the car but doesn't know how to operate powerlocks so scrambles out through the open window and tears down that screaming woooooooooiiiiiiii woooooooooiiii mbwa!! mbwa!! mbwa!! wooooooiiiiiiiiii ( I'm sure you all know that Kenyan men scream louder than women). The k9 was on him in a minute. On this other end, approx 20 cops had descended on my jamaa and were landing the full blows and kicks on him mercilessly. The cop who tried to arrest him...... who was a female, had passed out on the site. By this time, I could swear all the cops in the city and precinct had been paged/called because the whole street was sealed off and there were over 20 racks, sooo many guns drawn. As scared as I was, I felt some relief because I had innocently sat in the car quietly but that was nothing.........these jamaas had screwed me up. I was pulled out of that car by my neck, punched and kicked in the abdomen, and in a few minutes, the three of us were in a holding cell getting our asses beat. never believe the hype that cops don't beat.
.... They beat bad....they only hit your abdomen, and other parts that don't swell so there's no proof. By the time 2 hours had gone by, I couldn't even stand up, I was coiled over due to pain. Kem was cuddled in a corner crying and talking in Nandi. My jamaa was in a totally different cell in shackles round his wrists, ankles, etc. Kem and I were released in the morning. We called the other peeps who came to the station to check on us. We got the info on my jamaa, when he was going to court, etc. He was to remain in Jail, no bail, etc. He later got released after a few months on probation, fines, house arrest, and community service. As for us, we rode back to my pal's crib all sore, no one was talking. We got into the house, sat down on the sofas, everyone looking serious.

Then Kem finally spoke : "What is the plan for today? let's go have a few drinks"

UNQUoTE

This message has been edited. Last edited by: jm,

jm. he he he he kai tumwana twíikiraga atia kwa waithaka? he he he thii na mbere kurehe ndeto ta icio.kwanja umuthi ni Friday ndiraigua ngiharaharwo mumero

Andu aa Ngai makuama kuu?? Kegi nyatuirwo githeri hatiri ganja! turugano tuo aiiiiii twandirikania twi college saga iria cia koraguo kuo.

There's one time we had gone out with my friends. Now; we were about four of us and well yeah the night was rocking people are imbimbing; we having fun and after a few hours people decided lets do some bar hoping to find out which place rocks more. Sawa sawa ....so we enter my cousins car and him being the "Shekha Mehta" he is we find ourselves well into another joint of inquities .....some people who have imbided a little bit too much have dozed off in the car. Sasa the co driver(aka wakanyus) and the driver their work now has turned into being "wakers" lol if there's something like that.
We wake up our pals...people people amkeni we have fikad the joint!! Okay well then some respond groggily...ooh I dont want to wake up...others oohh where are we....mwingine..haiya..how have we gotten here?? Now there's a friend of ours who must ahve taken boiled ke because there's no other explanation to the events that unfolded. Just after tapping him..wake up....the guy just opened the car door and took to his heels like the world was ending!....obvious reaction from everybody else....u also take off to your heels utajulia mbele whats happening. At that juncture nobody knows whats hapening lakini kila mtu...mbioooooo!!! Wakanyusi na mbogoro ciake..onake ndagitiguo thutha lakini u can bet I was well behind evrybody else ... Now our pal who first took off...had ran quite some distance came across a tree...then what does he proceed to do....hug it!!!! Yes hug the damn tree...Mmmmhhhhhhhhh...okay we catch up with him....we are frightened like chickens and everybody is asking...whats up whats up!!!???Kwani what did u see..
even before we finish that ....the guy wachilias the tree and runs towards a big rock that was close by and hugs it ...again!!!!!
Alalalalala...now we have definately realized something isn't quite right with this friend of ours...the fobe has gone straight into the brain or he must have taken something else we havent taken..coz clearly he's on another level we arent. So we ask the dude....nini braza??..why are you running all ove the place hugging nature ...only for the guy to reply....mmmh well well u know...somebody is pulling me from the back of my shirt...mmhh we ask who and where....si there when I was in the car sombody is pulling my shirt!! Haiya..the guy is dead serious and looking quite shaken...like it really is a life threatening situation here...u u u know u guys and I had to run and hold onto something to sop being pulled!!! hehehehe na ma ma ma...this guy was fast alseep gutiri mundu wamugucitie shati.

Nway lets just say that till today he's the joke of my college friends...we have never forgoten that saga....he as tried effortlesy to make us forget that story...but it gets worse by the day because people even imitate how he was behaving that particular night.

Eke njuge na njira nguhi oo toria Wa thiga araugire; fobe is bad...na ni nduru na ndiakaga! hahahahaha

salaaaala!ndiiriga forum hiu ta ino. ,mwanjohora gia biu nginya ndatua umuthi no muhaka nyue kegi!kwani iko nini?

Mbugua nawe tuhe karugano ka fobe ninjoii ndugiaga hehehe.... uria nguii lol lol...